Died and Gone to Heaven

Died and Gone to Heaven…
Written by Christine Wichman c. January 4, 2015

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Blogophilia week 46.7 Topic – “Everything in Moderation”

Bonus Points: 

(Hard, 2 pts) include the question “what’s for dinner” in a different language

(Easy, 1 pt) mention an unpopular drink

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A man walks into a bar, sidles up to the cocktail waitress and whispers,“Ce qui est pour le dîner?”

“Sir we don’t speak french here, nor do we serve dinner.” the buxom young woman then rolled her eyes.

“Well then Cherie, what do you serve?” the french accented man, was clearly inebriated and continued to flirt with Josephine lasciviously.

“Mostly unpopular drinks Sir; Zima, Tab, Boones Hill wines.” Josephine was being facetious.

The unsteady man then fell face forward into the young waitresses cleavage, causing her to tip the tray of French Martinis onto a seated guest. Screams and bedlam ensued. 

Joe, the bartender shook his head in disgust, came around from behind the bar took hold of the unconcious man’s hands and drug him to a sofa in the back, then propped him up with a waste basket at the ready.  “Everything in moderation buddy, everything in moderation.” he muttered while walking away.

The frenchman had a smile on his face as dreams of Josephine danced through his intoxicated subconscious…

“Oh Cherie amour….” the man was now as tiny as a lilliputian, and climbing up Josephine’s glorious bust, a huge grin on his face, “je aime vos actifs” the man was then getting quite sleepy in his dream and placed his head comfortably upon Josephine’s pillows, drifting into a deep deep sleep…

“Sir, sir wake up, the bar is on fire and we must get out of here now…” Josephine tried her best to rile the man, but he was dead to the world. “Joe we are going to have to carry him out of here.”

Joe was not pleased, and grudgingly threw the man over his shoulder, making a run for the back exit. Josephine followed through the smoke coughing and covering her eyes. Within moments they were in the back alley and racing through the crowd of onlookers and escaping patrons. The Fire engine sirens could be heard in the distance as they were just on their way. 

Joe set the Frenchman down on the curb and in an alarmed voice told Josephine, “I don’t think this guy is breathing.”

“What?” Josephine was annoyed, yet concerned. “Do you know CPR?”

“No, I don’t…do you?” 

“Well the Fireman are on the way, I’m sure we can get one to revive him.”

“Wake up. Wake up.” Joe slapped the man’s face twice.

“I don’t think that is going to help.” Josephine bent down to take his pulse, “Oh my God, he doesn’t have a pulse Joe!”

The man was cuddled in Josephine’s cleavage content as could be, “Je t’aime, Je t’aime Josephine…” he repeated in his dream. The scent of lavender fields wafting by. Then came the glimmer of something bright and glowing, blinding in fact…it was a light with a voice.

“Jean Paul Daviau….this is the almighty speaking.”

“Qui?”

“God.”

“Mon Dieu!”

“Yes, exactly!”

The Frenchman sat silent, in awe of this light. He listened intently as the voice told him of his wrongs in life and then mentioned just a few of the things he was okay at. “Your parallel parking is superb, and you are quite good with puns…”

“Ah Merci.” Jean Paul bowed proudly.

“You have much to learn Jean Paul, I could not possibly invite you to crossover at this time. I am condemning you to at least 20 more earth years to get it right, understand?”

“Oui je comprends.”

Jean Paul was quite relieved actually, he had so much left to pursue in life. He had never yet married the right woman, the wrong ones yes, but never the right one. He had never won at boules or jenga. Never ridden on the funny elephant that graced his local carousel….so many things left to do.

“I think he’s coming to.” The fireman stood over the grinning Frenchman.

Jean Paul opened his eyes and the first thing he saw, was not the fireman or Joe bending over him, but Josephine and her lovely decolletage poised just over his head.

“Ahhh” he whispered in french… “Je suis mort et arrivé au paradis”

“Sir, what are you saying?” Josephine whispered back.

“I have indeed died and gone to heaven.” 

Photo provided by Blogophilia for this weeks challenge. *adding disclaimer to protect my rights as a feminist. lol*